Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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