If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
