So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
