Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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