My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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