Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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