i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
