I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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