i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
how does that bad decision feel?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
