I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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