so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
a search helicopter?!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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