my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
