ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
