Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
