im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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