Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
