We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
