it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
