well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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