Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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