We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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