dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
