Yo dont text me then not text me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
