I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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