I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
