Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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