I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
