he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's shark week go big or go home
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
