Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
