um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
