I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
