she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
