i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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