so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
