This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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