Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment

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  (209): just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment http://tfl.nu/1qk7
  Replies (6) Good night (2563) Bad night (728)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts

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  (914): Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts http://tfl.nu/cnqz
  Replies (12) Good night (3177) Bad night (783)
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  (530): View more from California

  both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.

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  (530): both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed. http://tfl.nu/da2p
  Replies (13) Good night (4836) Bad night (722)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

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  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (11387) Bad night (1033)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
  Replies (15) Good night (2887) Bad night (1484)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

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  (313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex
  Replies (11) Good night (4286) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention

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  (978): fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention http://tfl.nu/iald
  Replies (7) Good night (799) Bad night (3632)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me

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  (703): i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me http://tfl.nu/jgjv
  Replies (8) Good night (4277) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.

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  (480): honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well. http://tfl.nu/eoih
  Replies (8) Good night (2328) Bad night (1295)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.

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  (785): Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective. http://tfl.nu/28pg
  Replies (13) Good night (487) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.

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  (646): I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands. http://tfl.nu/f9cd
  Replies (2) Good night (613) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch

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  (509): How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch http://tfl.nu/j3z1
  Replies (7) Good night (743) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.

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  (+44): What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful. http://tfl.nu/aeug
  Replies (3) Good night (468) Bad night (230)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Why were you not born a dude?

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Because god wanted to level the playing field

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  (727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo
  Replies (3) Good night (909) Bad night (211)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week

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  (703): The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week http://tfl.nu/myyh
  Replies (2) Good night (197) Bad night (675)

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