Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right

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(516): i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right http://tfl.nu/qyre

Replies (1) Good night (2103) Bad night (750)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won

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(262): Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won http://tfl.nu/cdx8

Replies (10) Good night (4768) Bad night (785)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".

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(706): Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe". http://tfl.nu/cnav

Replies (7) Good night (2643) Bad night (874)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?

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(503): I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number? http://tfl.nu/ltxf

Replies (55) Good night (3446) Bad night (1168)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....

(1-630): View more from Illinois

which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?

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(630): I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons.... (1-630): which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father? http://tfl.nu/vh34

Replies (31) Good night (1234) Bad night (5520)
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(317): View more from Indiana

if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught

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(317): if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught http://tfl.nu/rq68

Replies (13) Good night (5046) Bad night (967)
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(229): View more from Georgia

He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.

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(229): He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records. http://tfl.nu/dlha

Replies (41) Good night (9172) Bad night (1195)
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(916): View more from California

Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.

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(916): Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius. http://tfl.nu/nzur

Replies (26) Good night (6839) Bad night (1142)
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(954): View more from Florida

his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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(954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3

Replies (3) Good night (1104) Bad night (1550)
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(770): View more from Georgia

We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.

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(770): We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts. http://tfl.nu/3snk

Replies (2) Good night (1620) Bad night (578)
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(716): View more from New York

Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.

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(716): Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking. http://tfl.nu/rcur

Replies (2) Good night (505) Bad night (686)
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(914): View more from New York

I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.

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(914): I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status. http://tfl.nu/koi8

Replies (1) Good night (451) Bad night (714)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.

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(973): Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police. http://tfl.nu/4iv8

Replies (0) Good night (925) Bad night (297)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.

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(505): I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka. http://tfl.nu/ipbh

Replies (4) Good night (215) Bad night (640)
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(801): View more from Utah

Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.

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(801): Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie. http://tfl.nu/zza2

Replies (0) Good night (186) Bad night (466)

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