I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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