Pants 0. Shit 1.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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