I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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