First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
