I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
