So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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