my shit smells like andre
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
