Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
