Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
