dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
