Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Randomize
