I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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