At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
