Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
