He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
