Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
