but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
