Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
