nut hugger
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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