i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
