last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How does one acquire holy water?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
