so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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