I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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