she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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