i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I cockslap morals
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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