I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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