we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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