I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
