fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
