and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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