Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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