look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Be still, my beating vagina.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Randomize
