garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
