happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
