They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He passed out mid-signature
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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